A few moments later, I decided to speak to Jan about something that had often been on my mind.

"Jan," I searched her eyes. "Why are we like we are? What makes people like us?"

Jan sighed. "That's a big question. Psychiatrists and psychologists have many theories about it. Some say we're homosexual because of our glands."

"Oh."

"Others say we're this way because of psychological causes things that happened to us in our childhood."

"What sort of things?"

"All kinds. Mainly rejection by our parents. Some day I'll talk about this in detail. But not today." I looked puzzled.

"Because," she said kindly, "today I don't want you to fill your mind with serious things. I want you to have fun. After all, sweetheart, it's your birthday!" "You told me you'd spend it with me any way I like. Remember?"

"Of course. And I will.”

"Well" I faltered. "Jan," I lay my hand gently over hers. "Jan-let's just be alone together and talk. Talk from our hearts."

"All right!" She lifted my hand and held it between her palms. "What shall we talk about first?"

"Us. Please tell me, not what other people say causes people like you and me. But what you believe causes us. Please, Jan."

"All right." Her chin lifted, her shoulders became very straight. "I believe God made us." Jan's eyes glowed. "I believe persons like us are a definite part of God's creation and that we're not freaks. But that we're made according to plan."

"Oh, Jan! I believe that too! That we're right, according to how we were intended to be." I swallowed a lump that had risen in my throat. "But because we're

Jan

different from most people-they-they-" I choked. "Don't let their misunderstanding hurt you,' comforted. "It does hurt all of us at one time or another, I know." She lit a cigarette. "But when it does we can heal the hurt ourselves."

"How, Jan?"

"By knowing God who created us does understand." "Jan, I believe it is right for us to have fulfillment for our love and to be happy."

"So do I, Melba."

"I'm glad I found you, Jan!" The words broke from like water spilling from a dynamited dam. "I was so unhappy until I did."

9.9

"Same here, Melba." She crushed the glow from her partially smoked cigarette. She tossed it into the ashtray. "Until you became part of my life-I just wasn't complete."

"We're both complete now."

"Yes, my darling." She drew me into her arms. As I twined my arms about her shoulders, I lifted my face, my lips parted for the kiss I knew I'd receive.

We lunched at Jan's apartment. Though we spent the day quietly, talking, and listening to recordings, then taking a walk along the shore, it was the happiest birthday I had ever had. I'd never forget it.

That evening Jan took me to a candlelit tea room in Carmel for dinner.

"For you, darling," Jan announced, when the waitress brought to our table a lovely, white-frosted birthday cake aglow with eighteen green candles. "Happy Birthday!"

Happiness swelled in me until I thought my heart would burst. I was glad that my beloved Jan had given me the only birthday cake I'd ever had.

As soon as the waitress had gone, she squeezed my hand, and whispered, "For Jan's girl!"

I felt so wanted, so cherished, so beautifully be-